Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Are you afraid to date guys with nappy hair? Afraid that your kids will have nappy hair?

As much as we want to deny it or change the way the world thinks there are still people out there who think this way. What it all boils down to is survival of the fittest. We want to mate with the most attractive mate to ensure the survival of our offspring. Choosing a mate that is lighter and has "good" hair will ensure that our offspring will be more attractive and therefore be more accepted. --this is not my opinion--

I grew up in the Bahamas where "Mango" skin girls (light skin girls) were considered the prettiest girls. I remember one day in high school a "Mango" girl said to me " I feel so sorry for you because you are so black." After she said that I reached out and slapped her. I was never a trouble maker or violent but what she said to me was an insult to my existence. Although, I grew up in a place where light skin was better than black skin I never thought that anyone regardless of skin color was better than me. I have countless memories from childhood where I was treated differently because of my dark complexion. For instance, my mom's cousin would babysit me and I couldn't lay on her bed or floor because she said my dark skin would dirty her sheets and rug. I recently visited her and she told me " You don't look as dark as you used to when you were a kid." All I could do was laugh.

Do you find yourself dating men with certain characteristics (hair, skin color) because you think the two of you would make "good looking" children?

Take a look at the Dark Girls Documentary that will be released this October. Sad but true.


  1. When I was in high school and i thought i had a preference it was brighter skinned guys but as i got older and actually started dating, most of the guys were as dark or darker than me. "I iz a Bahamian" too (lol) so I know about the whole Mango skin thing and I have had guys and girls who were lighter skin who would only like persons that were also lighter skinned. These slave concepts are still being passed down and is the reason so many Bahamian women will bleach and damage their skin. Because not only is the stigma coming from friends and in the dating scene, but also from family members who perpetrate that whole "bright skin, good hair" complex. I have gotten over it personally because I love my chocolate skin, I'm learning to love my "nigga knots" and many dark persons I know have flawless, beautiful skin...Black don't crack!

  2. wow. it takes a whole lot of self hate to even consider asking this question. wow.

    come on ladies... love you.. ok? PLEASE!!

  3. i wont lie.. i don't want kids with nappy hair(well a boy it won't matter because he won't have to wear his hair long) but for girl yes it matters to me. i dont want her to go to the same thing i went through and still going through her whole life. i want her to be able to do the things i couldn't do like go swimming,sweat,play in dirt and have fun without worrying whats going to happen to her hair..or being teased so violently that you don't want to go to school or anywhere... so that it can be easy for her..sorry but thats the truth ..and i'm not afraid to admit it

    1. I agree. I'm not trying to sound vain but I don't want my daughter to go through what I went through

  4. Turning the question around... I kinda feel weird when guys compliment me because of my hair or want to touch it or ask me to have a child for them so they could have "pretty hair children." I'm like what the hell?? I love a guy who'd compliment me beyond physical appearance.. instead of complimenting me like im just a piece of meat. Furthermore, hair is not a factor when I consider a guy, and a lot of people say that's only because I'd take care of that aspect, but that's not true! Its all about the inner beauty, that personality, that makes the outer beauty shine and stand out even more. If my child's hair is nappy, straight, kinky or w/e i won't love them any different.. It's all about teaching them to love themselves beyond what other's might think or feel. Having that high self esteem and personality that makes others love them. I have friends who may not have the best texture hair but that doesn't define them because they refuse to let it do so. They are pride black women who wear their hair how they feel and i think that's beautiful :)

  5. I would love my kids to have "nappy hair" and not be ashamed of it. When I had relaxed hair, I used to think that it was the only type of hair that was "good" and now that I'm natural I appreciate myself as a woman so much more. Hair is not going to be a defining factor on whom I choose to marry and it isn't going to define my children either.

  6. Thank you ladies for your insight and honesty!

  7. I'm mixed race of Native American descent/black& white..with a drop of asian. I have that so-called good hair..which in my opinion is not better than any other texture. I have two nieces with hair that some folks call bad hair while their mother's have so-called 'Good hurr).My third niece has that hair that everybody tends to ooo and aaah at. I feel sorry for her sister and cousin because they hair the comments and while I try to tell them that their hair is beautiful the way it is...society makes me look like a dang liar! The comments are endless..Folks say stuff like why your sisters went with nappy headed men ect...It's just said that children have to endure that type of abuse from 'BLACK' people...Funny and sad how white folks tell them that they like their hair with sincerity and we can't even do that at times..SMH

  8. Let's be real people!

    Yes, I am one of those who WILL NOT marry (if I ever do...)a dark skinned male with NAPPY HAIR! I am a dark-olive complexioned female and cRINGe at the thought of it. My hair is a 3c/4a combo. I don't want my children to be dark with nappy hair!

    Now, there it is.


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